Teacher was very shocked. She spoke out......
"Aw! What's wrong with both of you? Are you ok, Jumi?"
Jumi replied....
"I'm ok teacher. I was not careful and stumbled."
"Ah! Is that so? Go to your seat then."
"Teacher! I want to apologize since I accidentally lost my worksheet. Can I present it orally? Please teacher! Please give me a chance! You can give me 0 mark but please don't do it to Joon. That's too unfair for him. Because it's all my fault."
Joon was trying to stop her....
"Jumi! Don't do it."
"Joon! Don't worry! I can do it."
The teacher sighed and said....
"Ok! I'll give you a chance. But there will be no second time."
Jumi was really glad.....
"Thank you so much teacher. Thank you! I will never let this happen again. ......
Jumi's presentation:
"When I was younger, I didn't seem to know what the most precious thing to me is. I'd been trying really hard to find out what's really precious and important to me. Until today, I did find out something. It is my endless memory. I want to live with all my memories. Even if it's sad and only bring me tears, I still wanna hold onto it until the end. Because I believe that there is no such memory in this world that is ok to forget. Whenever I think about the times of being together with my family and people I love and our memories together, it always bring me joy and a special feeling that I can not put into words. A special person, he's been bringing me tons of memories that I never think of forgetting them in my whole life, even some memories bring tears to my eyes and make me hurt inside. Memories with him always give me strength to move forward. I wanna live with all those memories. He is my endless memory. Most of all, I wanna say that memories make me cry, make me smile, make me happy and also make me hurt inside. But no matter what I wanna keep all those memories with me until the end of time. Because memories give me faith to go on........ "....................
The whole class was quiet for a moment. Then the sound of applauding was coming out from the teacher and students for Jumi with appreciation. Jumi was very delighted. She turned around and smiled at Joon. At the same time, Aliza was glaring at Jumi with angry eyes....
"Jumi! One day I will win over you"......
Once the class was over, Joon was cleaning the wound on Jumi's knee in the infirmary. He spoke out....
"Jumi! You've been smiling for a long time already."
"Really? Maybe I'm too happy."
She said and smiled at Joon. Joon smiled and responded...
"You did a great job!"
"For real? But it's too bad teacher reduced us 5 points."
Joon smiled and responded...
"That's ok. At least you had a chance to present nicely. It was really touching."
"Joon! Thank you!"
"Me? What for? We did it together. So you don't have to thank me. By the way there were some parts I don't remember we had written in our worksheet and I've been wondering who your endless memory is."
"You really don't know?"
"No!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah!"
Jumi smiled a bit and said with her point finger on her lips....
"Then it's a secret. I'll let you find out by yourself.".....
Joon smiled faintly.........
Jumi's diary entry
"Today I was really scared. But prince charming was the one who rescued me. The warm feeling he gave me seemed to be bringing my frightfulness away. Joon! You've never known that you're the one who always give me the strength to move on and you've also never known that you are my endless memory."...............
To be continued
JuLinA JooNieJooLie
Hi Julina. This is your aunt, Kannitha. Keep up the good work darling, your story is quite entertaining and full of heart. For someone so young as you but yet full of such imagination and creativity, it is pretty impressive. I enjoyed reading your story so far. You have alot of them too so I'm taking my time reading through. One pointer I'd like to suggest, if you don't mind, is your conversation style. Maybe you would like to consider breaking it down a bit, separating the character's speeches to help the reader follows who's talking to whom. That's all for now. I'm looking forward to reading more of your material, keep it up dear. Love, Ming Kannitha.
ReplyDeleteThank u so much my aunt... Thanks for your ideas... I really appreciate and willing to follow them... I'm very glad that you spent your very precious time reading my story...
ReplyDeleteWith love
Julina
1st paragraph:
ReplyDelete-how did she lose her worksheet??? I suggest u to add more details in the paragraph when Aliza bullied her.
-Please teacher! I'm begging you! I think it's Khmer style.
-Joon! Don't worry! I can do it". I don't see Joon have said or do sth.
2nd paragraph: Jumi's presentation
-I suggest u to add some actions of teacher and students to show that her presentation was interesting or not???
3rd paragraph: Once the sun is setting... A girl and a boy are sitting on the swings in the park....
-this paragraph is ok. But for my idea, I think that u should make this conversation more longer to make it more meaningful. I think it's too straight, so it's not catch more attention.
4th paragraph: Jumi's diary entry
-It's a good idea in making the paragraph of diary.
I've gathered all your comments and I'm gonna make a change to the lacking parts tonight... Please make sure to check it again and leave some comments...
ReplyDeletethanks in advance...^^
Thanks u for accepting my idea, I don't think that u will take it cuz people have different ideas and ur ideas mostly not the same to me.
ReplyDeleteI have read it, it's really good. But I suggest u to add sth a little bit:
3rd paragraph:
"You really don't know Joon?"
"No!"
"Then it's a secret.^^ I'll let you find out by yourself.".....
- U should add Jumi's reaction (unhappy face or in her thinking) she was unhappy when Joon said "don't know" like that. This point is good in connecting to Jumi's diary entry. (Like she asked Joon about her birthday's date)
i have just done reading ep5.. im just forgot that i was reading 5ep in one hour... it is so sweet i love it... :)
ReplyDeleteHappy moments even thought it hurts... but still a happy moment...
ReplyDelete