7 years ago.....
As the sun was setting. A girl and a boy were sitting on the roof of a house and watching the beautiful glow of the setting sun which lighted up the whole scene. The girl spoke out....
"Joon! It's so beautiful, isn't it?"
"Yeah! I think it would be great if we could watch sunset together at the beach."
The girl looked at him and exclaimed....
"Is it beautiful?"
"Yeah indeed."
"Wahhhh really? I wanna see that."
"Is that so? Then I'm going to take you there one day."
The girl looked at him and smiled...
"Cross your heart??"
The boy smiled and responded....
"Cross my heart!!"..........
One evening, a boy and a girl were riding a bike very fast along the street.......
"Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....."
"Jumi!!! Don't scream!"
"Joon! slow down! I'm scared!"
"Don't be scared! Just hold me tight"
The girl hugged him even tighter....
"But I'm still scared"
"Don't worry, Jumi! I'm here and I protect you." .....
A day at Joon's house. Jumi walked in while Joon's mum was doing the chores....
"Hello! auntie!"
"Oh Hi Jumi!"
"Where's Joon, auntie?"
"He's doing something in the kitchen... You can find him there."
"Thank you^^"
"Hey Joon! What are you doing? cooking?"
"Hey Jumi! what brings u here? I'm making chocolate cake. Wanna try?^^"
Jumi responded…
"I'm sorry! I dnt seem to go along well with sweet things"
The boy looked a bit upset. He replied......
"Hmmmm... But.... Just try a bite Jumi. It's not sweet at all."
The girl looked a bit hesitant but she responded....
"ummmmm... ok then."
............................................................
"Wow it's yummy!!! "
The boy smiled broadly...........
...........................................
One evening, Jumi and Joon were sitting on swings in the park. Joon said to Jumi......
"Jumi! Have you ever heard about a fairy tale called "Sleeping Beauty"."
"No! I used to hear some other fairy tales but not this one. Tell me! Tell me!^^"
The boy smiled and told the story......
"ok! It's about a princess and the curse. Once upon a time, there were a king and a queen. They've got a daughter. On the christening party, they invited all the fairies, but they forgot about the thirteenth fairy. She's angry indeed. As all the fairies gave all the best wishes for Aurora, the thirteenth fairy appeared and sad a spell "when the princess becomes sixteen, she shall die by pricking her finger."
The girl asked.....
"So did the princess die?"
"She didn't. But she fell in a deep sleep and is only awakened by the kiss of a prince."
"Did she survive?"
"Yes! On her 16th birthday, she pricked her finger and fell in a deep sleep. But a handsome prince came and kissed her. Then she woke up and they both lived happily ever after...."
"Wooooow! That's such a wonderful story! It would be great if all the curses could be broken by a kiss.^^"
The boy smiled and responded....
"Not just because of the kiss, but because the power of the curse has nothing compared to the true love of the prince for the princess."
"I love fairy tale so much because it always starts with Once upon a time and ends up Happily ever after."
Joon looked at her and said….
"Jumi! Life is quite similar to a fairy tale. It starts with Once upon a time. But the different thing is it could end up not happily ever after."
"I'm sure our life is like a fairy tale which is going to end up happily ever after."
Joon smiled and responded.....
"Yeah, it sure is."
...............
7th February, 4:30 am in the morning. A girl was trying to wake a boy up......
"Joooooooon! Wake uppppppppp!"
"Hmmmmmmmm... I can't open my eyes."
"Oh! Come on! Don't you even remember what day is it today?"
The boy dragged the calendar from the top of his bed.......
"Let me check the calendar..... Um... today is 7th of February, isn't it?"
"Oh! My goodness! What a person who can't even remember his own special day -___-^"
"Jumi! Can I sleep a little bit more?"
" Noooooooo you have to get up nowww... Don’t be lazy! Come on! Joonnnnnn!"
"Ok!Ok! Old lady!"
"Ahhhhhhhhh I'm not old"
"Hahahahaha".........
All ur paragraphs are good imagination.
ReplyDeleteBut each of them has some lack points for reader to understand and be interesting:
Paragraph1:
-house of who??
-There should not have questions because they are couple..."Joon! It's so beautiful, isn't it?"
"Is it beautiful?"
-After seeing the sunset, where did they go???
Haha, It's time for me to go. I'll continue my comments tomorrow. Bye bye...
These were just the girl's imagination of the past once she met the boy again after their separation. I wanna make it sounds more like any imagination but not a real story which is connected from one to another. And......... about the house... I only summarized the important points since it's just an imagination. I want to make readers concentrate on what they said and promised each other, not a little detail...
ReplyDeleteBut no matter what, Thanks for your opinions...^^
I understand what u mean and what u want to mention in this part. But when I read it, I can't imagine that scene.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the ideas I comment can improve it or not because I'm not good as well (just some clue).
The important point is that I can't watch ur novel when I read (only read what I have read)...
If the story in TV is ok because I'm watching it.
I'm sure that u can make it but the problem is u don't think about this point.
Yeah I understand what you're trying to tell me. And I'm willing to improve my lack points. But I apologize if I can't correct some parts. Because i'm not a professional writer and this is my first time. I already knew I would make tons of mistakes and unable to make my novel interesting and imaginative for readers. It's quite difficult to make a novel more imaginative. If you don't mind, I'd like to ask if you can provide me some ideas to make it more interesting. No matter what, I'll try my best in order to make it better. Thanks for ya ideas.... :)
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'm a good reader but not writer. I'll try my best to provide u some ideas, but I don't know it can help u or not...:-)
ReplyDeleteI know ur difficulty because it's ur first time.
Oh, I've read ur latest episode 15 u r improving when u've written more...
"More practice more better"
I'll continue my comment on ur novel until the end...
That's ok. I'm willing to accept your ideas anytime. Thank you so much. You've encouraged me a lot. ^^I'm gonna try until the end....
ReplyDeleteJuLinA
:) I have nothing to say... but WOW.... it touched my heart.... :)
ReplyDeletethat's more than nothing :) Anyway thanks for reading...
ReplyDeleteJuLinA