"Come on Joon! We have to get there before the rising sun"
"Ok! Ok!"
The girl walked really fast. She turned around and looked at the boy....
"How come you're walking so slowly?"
"Jumi! You woke me up at 4:30 and now you're forcing me to walk fast? I can't even open my eyes -__-"
"Duhhhhh...You're so lazy! Oh look! we're here... yesssssssss... finally we arrive just on time..^^"
As the sun was rising, it was glowing brightly. The whole moment was covered beautifully by the golden glow of the sun.....
"Joon! Today is your special day! My heart reaches out to you and pray. May you keep you lovely smile on your face forever. May god be with you and always protect you. The sun is brightening your day. May your life always be bright as the rising sun. Be strong Joon! Happy birthday!"
As the sun was rising, it was glowing brightly. The whole moment was covered beautifully by the golden glow of the sun.....
"Joon! Today is your special day! My heart reaches out to you and pray. May you keep you lovely smile on your face forever. May god be with you and always protect you. The sun is brightening your day. May your life always be bright as the rising sun. Be strong Joon! Happy birthday!"
The boy was really surprised with the girl's plan for his birthday...
"Jumi!!!"
"Oh wait! Close your eyes!"
"Why??"
"Nahhhh Just close them."
The boy closed his eyes and then the girl took out a white scarf and put it around his neck....
"Tada........ You can open your eyes now^^"
"Tada........ You can open your eyes now^^"
the boy looked at the scarf and said...
"Jumi! You shouldn't have given me this."
"Why? I tried really hard to make it for you. I hope it can keep you warm.".....
The girl felt a little bit upset. The boy smiled while patting her head slightly and said...
The girl felt a little bit upset. The boy smiled while patting her head slightly and said...
"Don't make a face like that, Jumi! Thank you so much for today."
"And you don't like my gift, do you? "
"HaHa you're such a kid! I really really love this scarf. I only want you to know that you keep me warm enough just to stay by my side and being next to you is the only birthday gift I've ever wanted"...............
A night at the park, Jumi and Joon were sitting on those swings as usual.....
"Jumi! There are a lot of stars tonight."
A night at the park, Jumi and Joon were sitting on those swings as usual.....
"Jumi! There are a lot of stars tonight."
the girl responded.....
"They're so beautiful, just like diamonds."
She continued....
"Joon! I want a star."
"Really?? Well.... Then have a look at that brightest star."
The boy said while pointing at a big bright star in the sky. He continued...
"I give it to you. It's like someone you love. Once you miss them, just look at it. They will be looking back at you."
"Wow! Thanks Joon!"
Jumi responded with a smile...
A moment later....
"Look! Jumi! Falling stars!"........
As the boy looked at the girl, she was praying.......
"Jumi! what are u doing?"
As the boy looked at the girl, she was praying.......
"Jumi! what are u doing?"
"Shhhhhh... make a wish! It will come true!"................
The boy smiled and stared at her for a second....
"Jumi! What did you wish for?"
"I can't tell you. My mum told me that wish can not be revealed or it's not going to come true."
"Haha... ok ok! so I'm not asking you then...^^"
....................
The girl moved close to the boy and asked...
"Hey Joon! What did you wish for?"
"Eh? Wish can't be revealed,right? I'm not going to tell you."
The girl pouted and said....
"Ok ok I'm not asking."
The boy giggled to how childish the girl was....
Joon's wish.....
""As long as the earth is moving, I wish for a chance to protect her until the end of time"".......................At school....
A group of girls were talking. A girl spoke out...
"Tomorrow is the day we hand our writing to teacher. There's no way we can get higher score than group of Joon and Jumi."
Another girl asked...
"What should we do then?"
"We have to do something to make that stupid Jumi unable to hand her worksheet back to teacher. Just wait and see!".....
Tomorrow morning...
"Mummy! I'm going to school now."
Tomorrow morning...
"Mummy! I'm going to school now."
"Ok! Be careful, Jumi! You're early today."
"Yeah! I want to drop by at the library for a moment before class."
While being on the way to school, she dropped by at Joon's house...
"Auntie! Could you tell Joon today I'm going to school first? Because I have something to do at school."
While being on the way to school, she dropped by at Joon's house...
"Auntie! Could you tell Joon today I'm going to school first? Because I have something to do at school."
"Ok! Jumi! Be careful on the way!"
"Thank you auntie! Good luck."...
As she left the library and headed to her classroom, she realized Joon hadn't been arrived. yet. She talked to herself....
As she left the library and headed to her classroom, she realized Joon hadn't been arrived. yet. She talked to herself....
"Ahhhh I guess he haven't been awake yet. He's such a lazy boy."
A girl walked toward Jumi and said.........
"Jumi!"
"Oh! Good morning Aliza!"
"Can you come here with me for a second?"
"Why? You want me to help you with something?"
"Just come! You will know."
Aliza took Jumi hand and walked out of the class...
"Aliza! where are you taking me to?"
"Aliza! where are you taking me to?"
"You'll know once we get there."
They arrived at an old abandoned stuff room.... Aliza pused Jumi hardly into the stuff room. Jumi suddenly fell down........
They arrived at an old abandoned stuff room.... Aliza pused Jumi hardly into the stuff room. Jumi suddenly fell down........
To be continued
JuLinA JooNieJooLie
JuLinA JooNieJooLie
1st Paragraph:
ReplyDelete-I know they went to see the sun shine, but what it looked like. How is the sightseeing over there???
I suggest u to add some sightseeing to make it be more imagination.
2nd Paragraph:
-It was Joon birthday, but the one who made a wish was Jumi. I don't catch ur point, can u explain???
-Jumi was only 9, could she make scarf at her very young age???
3rd Paragraph: a night at park
-Jumi wished u don't mention, but Joon wish u tell us... Could u tell me What's the difference??
4th Paragraph: at school
Group discussion is messy. (It's ok because u have improved in the other episode)
5th Paragraph: tomorrow morning
It was the day to hand the writing to teacher. But Joon and Jumi were in the same class. So I don't understand why Jumi came to school early.
Can u explain???
hmmmmm
ReplyDelete2nd paragraph...
Jumi made wishes for Joon coz it was his birthday. She didn't make wishes for herself.
3rd paragraph..
Becoz Joon's wish is related to another episodes and I hid Jumi's wish since I want to focus on Joon's meaningful wish only.
5th paragraph...
I wanted to make that part exceptional. Jumi and Joon were in the same class. But it's not like they come to school together everyday. I even included the part when Jumi dropped by at Joon's house and asked his mum to tell him that she's got sth to do at school.
I hope you understand...
All that 3 paragraphs, u have the same ideas that u wanted to focus on one point only and u skip other point that is also interesting. I suggest u to find other way to make the idea u want to focus on but don't forget to add other sub-point.
ReplyDelete2nd paragraph:
I know u want to focus on Jumi's wish but in that moment, the important role was Joon cuz it was his birthday but u skipped it...
3rd paragraph:
I understand ur idea but I feel a little bit wonder. It doesn't like natural, u do it on purpose.
5th paragraph:
I know u've added some reasons but it's not complete. Can u specify what was "sth for her to do". Aliza had plan to make Jumi away from class in that morning, so it seemed god helped Aliza :)
Looks like I'm lacking so many points.... I'll make sure to check everything out again... :)
ReplyDeleteI have read all ur episodes and I also commented the last one. I see U r improving a lot. In fact I should not comment backward from the beginning. But as ur fan, I have to read carefully and comment all ur episodes.....:)
ReplyDelete^^ Thnx for your comments...
ReplyDelete2nd Paragraph:
ReplyDelete**Jumi's wish....
"My only wish for now is just to stay by his side forever".
-Its location is not good. U should insert it after "As the boy looked at the girl, she's praying......."
**Joon's wish:"As long as the earth is moving, I wish for a chance to protect her until the end of time"
-Its location is not good too. U should insert it after "The boy smiled and made a wish...."
Hmmm... ok... lemme check it again...
ReplyDeleteDamn! why would aliza try to hurt sweet innocent jumi? Jeezz....
ReplyDelete